Sunday afternoon ruined by remembering Monday comes next

Billions of Australians are suffering crippling depression pains today over even the slightest thought of returning to work tomorrow.

“I’ve had 16 beers today, and even that hasn’t put a dent on the fear of returning to work tomorrow,” one desk jockey said. “I hardly ever do any work at work, but I’d still rather return to Melbourne than the office,” referring to Victoria’s testosterone destroying hipster plague.

The unemployed are not exempt from the Sunday collywobbles. “During the weekend, I feel like a normal person. But come Monday, I see people returning to work, and it reminds me I only have my $1.40 a day Centrelink payment for living. I can’t even afford basics like methamphetamine required by normies to be motivated enough to turn up to an interview.”

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese is not immune from Sadderday. “I thought I had a Chinaman’s chance (Ed. referring to an outdated term for no luck) at winning the election,” he said. “I might just piss off to Hawaii until the whole thing blows over.”

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