Petrol sniffers forced to cut costs and switch to cocaine

With today’s eye-watering price of gasoline, petrol sniffer enthusiasts across Australia have been forced to switch to more cost-effective life relief like cocaine.

“These ludicrous price hikes have hit hard-working Australian battlers where it hurts – right in the soberness,” said one user who wishes to remain anonymous. “Although, I have saved some coin by not impulsively buying a dozen Caramello Koalas and a Slurpee every time I fill up my nose at the pump.”

Petrol station operators are also feeling the squeeze. “We’ve lost half of our sales revenue in just a few weeks,” said Kerry Sene. “We may have to start selling nangs just to make ends meet.”

The Minister for Huffing has called an urgent meeting to fast-track methadone clinics to also offer dieseldone as soon as next week to help stabilise users experiencing reality for the first time.

Thousands of deaths have already been reported by users attempting to sniff electric car pumps in desperation.

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