Former Prime Minister Tony Abbott has boldly rebranded himself as Abbo in a move he says is super cool. Abbot says he was inspired by the current trend of public servants appealing to the youth with “hipster” (sic) names like ScoMo, Kevin 07, and Albo.
“Voters these days are attracted to fashionable nicknames rather than good policies,” said Abbott. “This one update allows me to change nothing but my name, yet I’m confident will see me reelected as Liberal leader in a week or maybe even seven days.”
Asked about Peter Dutton, Abbott said, “Mr Potato Head has nothing on Abbo, which rolls off the tongue like cellar door, dole bludgers, and bomb the boats.”
“Hahahahahahahaha,” said one local Aboriginal elder, brain surgeon, property developer and retired Victorian Cross recipient for the RAAF. He further elaborated with “lol” and “anyone who bites into a raw onion like an apple is as bright as Earth Hour”, referring to the yearly hour of complete darkness for the environment that occurs just before Vivid.
“Tony understands the people, and his modern name change nails it,” said Pauline Hanson. “I was contemplating rebranding as Paul but remembered trans people are frustratingly good at being smart and likely won’t buy it. So, it’s back to the crayon board.”
The freshly renamed Abbo plans to launch an aggressive MySpace campaign and is in talks with Ansett airlines to feature his trademark Speedos on the tail of every aircraft.
“I might even pop a scrote to appeal to the sheilas as I hear they can vote now too.”