A Sydney banker has become the pin-up boy for white-collar-style addiction recovery after switching from heroin to more socially accepted drugs.

“We were all so worried when he was shooting up loser drugs like heroin and we’re so impressed he’s turned his life around like this,” one colleague said. “Now he only injects steroids into his bum before his gruelling daily workouts, snorts a few lines of coke on the weekend and smokes the occasional ice pipe like the rest of us.”

The man said that apart from suffering occasional roid rage episodes – which have caused him to glass a man’s testicles, revenge rape the postman and slam dunk a baby – he was much happier and more energetic than he had been for a long time.

“It feels great to have an addiction that’s celebrated in sport and popular culture,” he said. “Now when people see me they’re all impressed and go ‘damn boi, you on the juice?’, and I can proudly say ‘yes’, then knock them out for looking at me funny.”