Malcolm Turnbull Bans Homelessness


Australian Prime Minister and owner of one the largest money collections in the world Malcolm Turnbull has today banned the act of not having a home.

There’s “no excuse” for not owning your own home, Turnbull said, adding a warning that “renters are next” on his list of things to ban.

“Australia is the lucky country, so why would you choose not to be lucky and own your own home?” he said. “The least you could do is get your folks to buy you one. Or do as Joe Hockey advised and get a better paying job. There are just so many options.”

The move has shocked the homeless, with many saying they weren’t sure where they would go now that they’ve been banned.

“Most of us would actually much rather be living inside a home than living out of a shopping trolley with no access to water, electricity or PornHub,” a spokesperson said. “But I’m not sure how banning us will help us achieve that.”

Others in the homeless community have welcomed the news, describing it as “exactly the motivation we needed to get our acts together and get a foot into Sydney’s property market by selling drugs, just like all those people who own waterfront homes”.

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