University students have today held a nationwide protest about having no time to study or attend lectures due to their relentless protesting schedule.

A typical daily protest schedule for a university student involves approximately eight marches, flag burnings or yelling loudly at people nearby, for causes ranging from the removal of bindis on a remote soccer field in Africa to something about gender no one quite understands.

One university student, who called himself a non-violent warlord for peace, revealed he spent more than $10,000 of his parents’ money on paint for his protest-sign slogans alone.

“Having to balance protesting and university is an impossible task,” he said. “We shouldn’t be put under so much pressure when we’re making such a huge difference to the world. It’s particularly hard for those who also have to work to pay their own way through uni – and that’s why we have a protest shaming poor parents scheduled next week.”

So far, none of the protests have been successful.