New mum Suzette Rose had to be tied down in her North Bondi apartment today after a photo of her newborn daughter failed to earn 1,000 likes on Facebook.

“At first I was angry at myself,” Rose told the Sydney Sentinel under heavy sedation. “But then I realised it was my daughter’s fault. She simply didn’t turn out as likeable as me.”

“Facebook shows you what you’re worth as a person,” social media expert Wyatt Donnelly said. “The more likes you get, the better person you are. Unfortunately, I don’t see big things for this youngster. Facebook has spoken.”

Determined not to give up on her daughter, Rose has purchased several photo-editing apps and booked an appointment with Sydney’s most respected paediatric plastic surgeon.