More than 100 people have died in a horror start to the summer beach season at Bondi, where lifeguards have been preoccupied with filming new episodes of Channel Ten’s Bondi Rescue.

“Unfortunately, not all rescues make for good TV and we have to prioritise those that do,” one Bondi lifeguard said. “If you plan on visiting our beach and you’re not a strong swimmer, make sure you’ve got a fit rig and a decent tan. We air at dinnertime, you know.”

A Waverley Council spokesperson has labelled the deaths as “unfortunate but unavoidable collateral damage in the name of entertainment”, noting that “an entire episode full of lifeguards rescuing people makes for dull viewing”.

“People want to know more about the lifeguards’ personal lives, or watch them hoon around on a beach buggy looking for a tidy bit of crumpet,” he said.