The NRL has blamed falling ticket sales and low attendance on the rising price of tomato sauce packets, better things to do, and an increase in the presence of RBT units on the drive home.

 
“People with no internet, friends or gaming consoles, and those who have fallen asleep in front of the TV at their local, still love the game. It’s just that people find sitting at home with the simple creature comforts, like a carton of tinnies, a few rum and cokes, a tall glass of rum, and a dozen pizzas, even more appealing. In the end, it’s all about convenience,” the NRL spokesperson said.

 
Experts say the bold move to host home games inside family homes will eliminate the need for sports fans to get off the couch and mitigate the number of deaths caused by fans of opposing teams travelling to arenas on the same bus. Fans have also backed the move, saying they’re sick of travelling minutes to watch a game only to find they’re too far away to see anything anyway and then suffering stage fright while sharing a urinal with 23 other well-endowed men, often ruining their new Dunlops with trough mist.

“The rules will have to change, as most games will be played inside,” the spokesperson said. “Houses with breakables, such as walls, fridges and bathtubs, are unlikely to play host.”

Footy tragic, and all-round tragic, 45-year-old Trevor Smith, welcomed the move with lots of affectionate swearwords and an enthusiastic offer to host the first game in his home, so long as his mum said it was okay.

“We can’t wait! The biff has never left our home, even when dad passed,” he said, pausing to give his wife a playful clothesline to the throat. “It will be great to see the biff brought back to the game we love, and in our own home!”

*A conflict with Trevor’s illegal lounge room cockfighting pit has the NRL searching for a new venue for next year’s opening home-game event.