Cronulla Sharks fans have promised it’s not a Melbourne Storm brewing over Sydney this Sunday, but a black, blue and white tornado that promises to rip through Cronulla and greater Sydney harder than the legendary riots of 2005.

A trainee riot spokesperson says 2005 was “just a warm up” and this Sunday they will show the world that Cronulla isn’t just a one-trick pony.

Late mail tells the Sydney Sentinel that Cronulla Sharks immortal Andrew Ettingshausen (ET) is confirmed to entertain the crowd at half time with a nudie run, with Melbourne Storm scrabbling to secure a private pre-game pep talk from Daryl Somers and the Hey-Hey it’s Saturday gang.

An estimated clean-up bill of $3.2b is predicted to be overshadowed by the loss of revenue from the number of “sickies” to be chucked on the Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday after the game.