Ugly People to be Banned From Bondi to Coogee Walk

Checkpoints will be set up at the entrances to the popular coastal walk between Bondi to Coogee this weekend in a bid to weed out ugly people, sweaty runners and others who might ruin perfect selfie opportunities for beautiful people.

Chloe, a 22-year-old Tamarama local who describes herself as an “entrepreneur/model/beauty blogger”, will be responsible for policing the Bondi entrance to the walk on weekends.

“I’ve worked on the door at all of Sydney’s best clubs, so I really know the sorts of things to look out for,” she said in response to questions about her qualifications for the role. “If a woman isn’t wearing at least one Lululemon item and carrying a turmeric latte, it’s unlikely I’ll let her in.”

India, 19, whose LinkedIn profile describes her as an “entrepreneur/model/DJ”, will be stationed at the Coogee entrance. She described the job as “a fat-free cake walk”.

“The process of natural selection and rise of cheap injectables mean there aren’t a lot of ugly people in the eastern suburbs anyway,” she said, adding that she would simply be pointing “undesirables” towards the less-crowded Coogee to Maroubra walk.


20 thoughts on “Ugly People to be Banned From Bondi to Coogee Walk

  1. Who the hell do you think you are
    Well I will tell you
    YOU ARE A BULLY and you could potentially cause someone to hurt themselves if they get rejected
    You are disgusting


    1. Hey there, sorry if this story upset you.

      However, this is a satirical website, and this story is poking fun at how glamorous the Eastern Suburbs have become – it wasn’t meant to make anyone feel bad.

      I hope you give us another chance, and maybe even have a laugh at some of our future stories.


      Sydney Sentinel


  2. If i am lucky enough to “once again do that walk” i am sure i’ll be let pass by Cloe -no products on hand- my build up muscles and toight ass, have allways been enough.

    So, bring it on Chloe!! Lets bounce that entry!!

    Hi from México.


  3. It wasn’t my looks, I just paid for entry today when I pulled up in my yellow lambo… vanity has a price. See you around bikini cafe Chloe


  4. If Chloe really was a Tamarama local she would know in the East you just do Bondi to Bronte walk with a green smoothie …I guess at 22 she has no idea and pays for fake followers and likes to sound more believable 😂😂


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